Pride Guide 2005 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

A-15

My parent just came out as transgender-now what?

by Monica Canfield Lenfest

My dad told me that she was becoming a woman in 1997. Then, she handed me a pamphlet about being transgender. At the time, I wanted a pamphlet for me. Here is some advice for other children with transgender parents:

First of all, you are not the only kid with a transgender parent. We may be spread out, but we do exist.

The Internet is a good resource for connecting with other children. Contact COLAGE, Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere, about their pen pal program. Check with your local LGBT center to see if there are other children of transgenders in your community.

Think about people who you can talk to about your parent's transition. You may be nervous about your friends' or classmates' reactions. That's okay. Talk to close friends and other people you trust.

You can talk to a therapist, which will help you understand your feelings about the situation. If you don't feel like your therapist is helping, talk to your parents about talking to someone else.

Ask your parent questions. Let them know if you are confused about something. You can also tell them when you don't want to talk about it. Remind them that you are dealing with their transition in your

own way.

Your parent is going through a major life change, which will probably be their main focus for a while. If you need something, ask.

As they explore their gender identity, your parent's appearance will shift. It can feel strange to see them transition. You might feel sad that your parent looks and acts differently than they used to. Remember, this person is still your parent.

Your parent will probably change their name and ask to be called by a different pronoun. This might be a big challenge at first, but with practice, it gets easier.

Be aware that your parent may be trying to pass in public. They will probably be quite sensitive about how they are being perceived. Respect their vulnerability. Be careful about the way that you refer to them in name and when using pronouns. Your parent is going to change, which might be scary for you. Remember, despite all of these big changes, s/he is still your parent and will always love you.

♡

Monica Canfield Lenfest is a facilitator for the Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere Boston group and recently graduated from the University of Massachusetts. She wrote her honors thesis on the social experiences of children of transgender parents.

For more information about COLAGE, call 415-861-5437, e-mail collage@colage .org, or see, www.colage.org.

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